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When it is raining, it is because he is sad.If you're unfamiliar with the campaign, check out this ad:
Even his parrot's advice is insightful.
If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men's entire lower intestines.
His shirts never wrinkle.
He is left-handed. And right-handed.
Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn't admit it.
You can see his charisma from space.
And some of the lines from the original ad:
The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.Posted Wed, Jul 18th, 2007
He once punched a magician. That's right. You heard me.
When he orders a salad, he gets the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs...where there is no turning back.
If a monument was built in his honor, Mt. Rushmore would close, due to poor attendance.
He has never stepped in gum. (hat tip to richman)
People are still laughing at a joke he told in 1997. (hat tip to richman)
Update: (4/30/09) There's a new radio ad playing for Cinco de Mayo...here's all the lines I can remember from it (I may be paraphrasing some):
It is said the sun comes up later on the 6th of May, in case his Cinco parties run long.and one more ad that's been playing for a while but I had missed:
The Mayans prophecized his birth.
Even lucha libres remove their masks in his presence.
He once taught a German Shepard to bark in Spanish.
He serves sizzling fajita platters barehanded.
Bulls flat-out refuse to fight him.
He once buried a time capsule full of things that haven't happened yet.You can use the contact link at the top of the page to send me any additional lines and I will update this post accordingly.
He has been pronounced dead 7 times...make that 8.
His bear hugs are actually hugs he gives to bears.
He can't be bought, but his beard clippings have been know to show up on auction.
He has never lost a sock.
If he disagrees with you, it is because you are wrong.
Update 2: (6/22/2009) Heard another new one over the last few weeks:
Most songs about love are written for him, about him, or by him.
He'd never initiate a conversation about the weather, even in a typhoon.
He's against cruelty to animals, but isn't afraid to issue a stern warning.
Whatever side of the tracks he's currently on is the right side. If he crossed them, he would still be the right side.
He won the same lifetime achievement award twice.
Update 3: (3/23/2010) I just heard a new radio ad playing the last few weeks:
Signs that say "This is not an exit" do not apply to him.
If he rides with you in your car, its resale value will instantly increase.
If he passed you on the street you would still feel stopped and said hello and asked you about your day.
He likes the word "fog".
If you were trapped with him in an elevator, you wouldn't want to be saved.
His business card just says, "I'll call you."
Update 4: (4/29/2010) Here's another new radio ad:
The Aztec calendar has his birthday chiseled in.
The front of his house looks like it was built by the Mayans...because it was.
His tacos refuse to fall from the shell.
If you were to see him walking chihuahua, it would still look masculine.
Dicing onions doesn't make him cry...it only makes him stronger.
He has never filled up on chips.
Update 5: (6/16/2010) Here's another new radio ad:
He has served as best man for grooms he's never met.
He strongly abides by the motto: "Safety third."
His garden maze is responsible for more missing persons than the Bermuda Triangle.
Even watching him sleep has been described as breathtaking.
He's never needed lip balm.
He went to a psychic once...to warn her.
Update 6: (7/30/2010) This one's a bit older, but I had missed it:
His charm is so contagious, vaccines have been created For it.
Years ago, he built a city out of blocks. Today, over six hundred thousand people live and work there.
He is the only man to ever ace a Rorschach test.
Every time he goes for a swim, dolphins appear.
Alien abductors have asked him to probe them.
If he were to give you directions, you'd never get lost, and you'd arrive at least five minutes early.
His legend precedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder.
Update 7: (7/3/2011) This one's been on quite a bit recently:
When he holds a shell up to his ear, he hears adult contemporary hits from the '90s.
His monkey business is the official business he carries on with primates.
The dinner he made last night was delicious. Ask anyone.
He finds squirrels untrustworthy.
If he were to say, "it's not you, it's me" he would be lying.
He figure skates, and it is glorious.
Update 8: (5/2/2013) It's been a long time since I've added an update, but the new Cinco De Mayo ad was cracking me up, though I think I only caught part of it.
The line for his Cinco de Mayo parties starts on Ocho de Febrero.Also these were likely from a different ad:
He has 3 little black books for women named Juanita
His 10-gallon hat holds approximately 13 gallons.
In a past life, he was himself.
If opportunity knocks and he's not home, opportunity waits.
He gave his father "the talk".
More viral ad campaigns can be found here.
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Posted by: Anonymous on Jul 19th, 2007 | 01:19pm